Friday, June 15, 2007

Mom's Twin

Tonight (after a LONG day) the girls and I went to Chipotle for dinner. Yum! We were standing in line and I happened to look to my right at the lady standing there. I looked, then looked again. Then my heart stopped. It was my Mom. Well, my Mom's twin. Same clothes, same hair color and cut. I swear it looked just like her and I know this for sure because she was about 1 foot from me in line. I was afraid to look again. I didn't know what kind of emotions would suddenly surface. Melancholy? Sadness? Tears? I had a rush of all these emotions and more. Cassidy saw her too and said, "I miss Grandma," without me pointing out that this lady looked like Grandma. That was a heart wrencher!
I stood there waiting while my food was being pre-pared- numb, frozen and a little in shock. I didn't know what to do. So I looked at her and said, "you look just like my Mom." She said, "Is that a good thing?" and I said, "yes!" We both laughed a little and parted ways. Wow, I had no idea how hard this would be. I mean it's been over a year since her death. Why did I freeze? I know I didn't properly grieve for her properly because, a)her death came as such a shock. b)we had so much to do after her death that there wasn't much time to sit and mourn and c) I was mad that she died. I thought I was over this but apparently not.
So there is a lady in town that looks like my Mom who I'm sure I will run into again at some point. What will happen then? I guess I need to work on this so I don't have a meltdown in Target or Jamba Juice. O.K. then. I guess I will be working on that this weekend.


Lindsey said...

That would be devastating. My husbands sister died in a car accident 4 years ago and I tell you sometimes just seeing pictures sets me off. Things will get better and when the death in sudden it makes it even harder to grieve. I ended up having to go to counselling. Remember that your friends are always near and sometimes it is nice to just talk about her and remember fun stories or things that were just between you too.

Anonymous said...

Love you Cara!

Webb Family said...

That same thing happened to me after Garrett died. I was by myself at the grocery store and this guy looked so much liked him. I kept staring I'm sure he thought I was a freak! But, the same thing he dressed like him and even wore his hair the same, I thought I imagined it later. I never told anyone cause I thought it sounded weird, so it feels good to tell you. If you ever need to talk I'm always here for you. And, yes we do need to go play, let's plan something!!

onehm said...

Cara, I'm so sorry that you are still feeling pain. You are such a strong woman. Thank you for being such an example to me.